Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback and all-time greatest football player ever, Tom Brady, says he won’t work with the two members of his team who refuse to stop kneeling during the National Anthem. Brady, who sets the team’s decorum rules and makes all final personnel decisions, put them on the bench until they change their tune.
The players, defensive end Joe Barron and outside linebacker Art Tubolls, can’t understand how their kneeling before a game affects Brady’s performance, especially since they’re not on the field at the same time. “That’s not the point,” said Brady’s spokesperson, The Reverend Gida Hulmpbeckster, “it’s about being sound in mind and spirit.”
Brady, who recently divorced his wife, said the most important thing to him right now is football. He said the most important thing to him most of the time is football. “Gisele and I might have lasted much longer had she just been a football,” he told a pal, “I love the way it feels in my hands and the smell when they just come out of the box.”
It’s easy to see why someone who takes his profession that seriously would be offended by people kneeling during the opening song. “I use that time for self-reflection and to honor the game,” said Brady, “I don’t unruly protests upsetting that.”
Nobody in the front office challenged him, and the NFL had nothing to say.